Pull My Finger, Professional Edition

The original Pull My Finger, now introducing a revolutionary new feature…

The flatulence revolution has begun. Our iPhones can now fart. It is truly an exciting time for technology.

But we, being pioneers in this exciting new field, asked ourselves the obvious question… “What’s Next?” Are we going to settle for apps that simply make noises? Or apps that allow you to set timed or motion sensitive sounds? Is that really all we’re looking for? The answer, of course, is a resounding “No.” So we went to back to the drawing board, and came up with something that has never before been attempted.

Sure, we added “Prank” functionality, so you can set noises to go off based on a timer or motion sensor. We even added a new “Tap Toot” prank, that shows a fake iPhone homepage and makes a noise whenever your unsuspecting victim tries to tap an icon to use the phone. Funny? Yes. Very funny indeed.

But then came the eureka moment. With all the buzz about “social networking,” we thought, what’s social about flatulence? Isn’t that kind of anti-social? Yes, it is, unless you find yourself at a unique social gathering, where the men gather in flatulence comparison, and the greatest noisemaker reigns supreme. And at these gatherings, when the excitement reaches a fever pitch, what happens next?

Someone pulls out a lighter.

Friends, allow us to electronically pull out a lighter.

Yes, it’s true. Now, with Pull My Finger, Professional Edition, you can enter “Light” mode. A simple, unassuming match will adorn the screen. Flick the match to light it, and a single flame flickers innocently. But ask a friend to launch a fart app on his phone (compatible with all fart apps, not just PMF… even iFart Mobile), and make a noise. Then delight as your match ignites into the famous blue flame of glory, and vanishes as fast as it appeared. Then, reflect in wonder as you realize the history that has just been made. We will look back on this moment as a landmark in our time. You remember where you were when Kennedy was shot. You remember the moment we had our first African American president. And you will forever remember THIS moment as well. Man has just entered that moment in history where he can electronically light his own electronic farts.

Match Notes: iPod Users: All of the original functionality of Pull My FInger will work for you. In this update, you will also be able to use the prank function. However, since iPods have no mic input, it will not let you use the light function. WE REPEAT, THERE IS NO LIGHT FUNCTION FOR IPOD USERS. We understand this is simply not acceptable, but since there is no sound input for iPods, there is simply nothing we can do about it. We recommend that you write to Steve Jobs (steve@apple.com) and request mic inputs on iPods so that your device too may perform this much needed function. Thank you and goodnight.

Tips for getting it to work properly: We designed this match to work just like it would in real life. You must have a loud piece of flatulence emanating very close to the match. Far away will not do, nor will quiet noises. Crank up your other iPhone loudly, put the speaker right next to the microphone on the lighter iPhone, and Pull The Finger. Sometimes the sound is just too weak to produce a flame. Ahh, failure, just like in real life. Sometimes, however, the sound will be just right, and the match will ignite in an ever so brief flame of glory. When this happens, friend, it will all be worth it. Hint: See if it works with actual bodily noises…